Sent in intro and thank you list to publisher. Now to hear back for cover design and then my book will be on shelves in a matter of weeks. Look for “The Blasphemous Bible” on Amazon, Coles, Chapters/Indigo and Barnes & Noble next month. Will let you all know a specific date when I get more info from my publisher.
11:1 Jephthah the son of Gilead was strong and of mighty valour, who also happened to be the son of a cheap whore.
11:2 The wives of Gilead bore for him many sons, who mocked Jephthah, and said unto him, “Thou shalt not inherit a damn thing from our father, for you are the son of a wretched whore.”
11:3 Jephthah grew angry with his brethren, and fled to the land of Tob. There Jephthah befriended mercenaries, who followed the command of Jephthah.
11:4 In time, the children of Ammon made war against the peoples of Israel; and the elders of Israel seeked out Jephthah and his men, and said unto them, “Will Jephthah come and save us, and be a captain in our armies, and defeat the children of Ammon?”
11:5 Jephthah said unto the elders of Israel, “For what reason do I have to save ye wretched hypocrities?
11:6 The peoples of Israel loathe me, for I am the son of a prostitute; yet every man here, who be the elders of Israel, have gone and fucked a whore.
11:7 All of thee have your personal concubines, and all of thee I have seen step into the brothels and the houses of ill repute.
11:8 How many of ye have conceived children with these harlots? And yet ye deny your seed your love and your inheritance because they are the sons of a whore; a whore which ye fucked.
11:9 My very inheritance was denied to me because I am the son of a whore. What punishment is this?
11:10 I should not be punished because my father placed his seed in the slit of a cheap whore; it should be my father who should know shame.
11:11 Go, die by the hands of the children of Ammon. I look forward to smelling the stench of your corpses rot in the noon sun.”
11:12 The elders of Israel said unto Jephthah, “What right do ye have, the son of a woman which selleth her cunt, to speak to us like this?
11:13 We are the elders of Israel, and shall be spoken with respect.”
11:14 Jephthah laughed, and said unto them, “Ye may be the elders of Israel, but ye have come for my help.
11:15 I shall talk to thee as I damn well desire. Now leave; unless you can pay me for fighting your battles, I care not what ye have to say.”
11:16 The elders of Israel did not leave, and said unto Jephthah, “We cannot leave, for the lord hath sent us here to beg for your help.
11:17 The lord has spoken to us, and said that it shall be thee who shall rise, and deliver the children of Israel from the peoples of Ammon.
11:18 For the lord hast heard our words, and decided to help us.”
11:19 Jephthah mocked the words spoken, and said to the elders, “Did not the lord tell thee go pray to your new gods? Did he not say that the lord shall deny unto thee his help?”
11:20 The elders nodded, and said, “Yes, but the lord has forgiven us our wickedness, and decided again to deliver us.
11:21 Blessed be the name of the lord.”
11:22 Jephthah said to the elders, “So be it. I shall help thee.
11:23 But when I deliver thee from the children of Ammon, I shall be the new head of Israel.
11:24 Make me king, and I shall fight for thee.”
11:25 The elders agreed, and said that if Jephthah won the war against the Ammonites, that Jephthah shall be crowned king.
11:26 Jephthah sent messengers to the king of Ammon, for he wished for a peaceful resolution.
11:27 Jephthah asked of the king, “Why dost thou fight within my lands, for we have wronged thee in no manner.”
11:28 The king of Ammon sent messengers to Jephthah, and said, “We fight not in your lands, but in ours; for ye have taken them from us.
11:29 When thou came out of Egypt, ye have taken the lands of Jabbok unto the river Jordan; return to us these lands, and we shall leave you in peace.”
11:30 Jephthah sent back messengers, and said to the king of Ammon, “The peoples of Israel have never taken an acre of land from the peoples of Moab nor the peoples of Ammon.
11:31 We hath taken the lands of many nations, but never from yours.
11:32 When our peoples left Egypt, and came to the lands of Kadesh, we did sent messengers to the king of Edom, asking of him to allow us passage through his lands.
11:33 Our peoples then moved, and pitched tent in the lands of Arnon, which be on the borders of the lands of Moab.
11:34 Our peoples then sent out messengers to king Sihon of the Amorites, the king of Heshbon, asking for safe passage through his lands.
11:35 Sihon denied us also passage. So we killed him.
11:36 We possess now his lands, the lands of the peoples of Amor, but not Ammon.
11:37 If thou hast conquered the lands of Sihon, would thee not claim them for yourself as well?
11:38 For three hundred years the peoples of Israel have dwelt in these lands, yet ye have done nothing to claim them back, nor did ye ever say unto us that these be lands of the children of Ammon.
11:39 Therefore we did not sin against thee, nor did wrong against your peoples. Stop this war, so that our nations shall live in peace and prosperity.”
11:40 The king of Ammon ignored the words of Jephthah, and fought against the peoples of Israel.
11:41 Though Jephthah be a man of valour, he knew his armies were of no match against the soldiers of Ammon.
11:42 When Jephthah slept, the lord came to him, and said unto Jephthah, “Do not fear, for I shall deliver into your hands the children of Ammon.
11:43 With the slaying of the Ammonites, ye shall then be king of Israel. Surely such a title is of great value unto thee.
11:44 The lord comes to thee to make ye a deal; promise unto your God that ye shall offer for a burnt offering whatever it is which first exit the gates of your house when ye return victorious, and the lord shall deliver thee a great victory.”
11:45 Jephthah agreed, and promised to offer as burnt offering whatever thing he first sees exiting his house after victory has been made over the children of Ammon.
11:46 Jephthah gathered his men, and marched over Gilead, and Mannaseh, and Mizpeh, until he reached the armies of Ammon.
11:47 The spirit of the lord was with Jephthah, and Jephthah slayed one and all of the peoples of Ammon.
11:48 From Aroer, even to the plains of Minnith, Jephthah conquered twenty great cities of the children of Ammon; It was a very great slaughter.
11:49 The lord was pleased with the bloodshed of Jephthah, and smiled upon the corpses left behind by the armies of Israel.
11:50 Jephthah forgot not the promise made unto God, and upon his return home thought that a concubine, or sheep without blemish, shall exit his gates of his house.
11:51 When Jephthah saw that which came to greet him, his heart sank; for his daughter, his only child, came out to greet him.
11:52 Dancing with timbrels she came out, and embraced her father with a great hug, and congratulated him for his victory.
11:53 When his daughter saw the tears in her father’s eyes, she asked of Jephthah, “What is wrong, for I would think ye pleased to see me.”
11:54 Jephthah said unto his daughter, “I am not glad to see thee. No, I wish never to have seen the at all.
11:55 For I have made a promise unto the lord, a promise which must be kept.
11:56 My daughter, I must offer you as burnt sacrifice unto the lord, for he hath demanded it of me.”
11:57 The virgin daughter of Jephthah wept, for she wished not to die as sacrifice, nor did she want to die a virgin.
11:58 The daughter of Jephthah said unto her father, “You fucking asshole! Why would ye promise such things?”
11:59 She then kicked her father in his stones, and fled unto the mountains.
11:60 For two months, she hid in the mountains, and fucked every man she could find.
11:61 Jephthah searched the mountains, and found his daughter lying in bed with a miner of precious stones.
11:62 Jephthah slayed the miner, and took his daughter to the altars.
11:63 The devil approached Jephthah and his daughter, and said unto Jephthah, “Why dost thou taketh thy daughter, thy only child, unto burnt sacrifice for your lord?
11:64 Do ye not see that a God who demands human sacrifice, is a God not worth worshipping?”
11:65 Jephthah said unto Satan, “Be gone from thee, for I can see that you are the wicked one.
11:66 Speak not, for I shall ignore your words.”
11:67 Satan said, “I am not evil, nor do I wish ye harm; I wish to save thee from harm.
11:68 Do ye not love your daughter, your only child?
11:69 Save her, and offer her not as sacrifice unto the lord.”
11:70 Jephthah replied to the devil, “Your words are poison unto my ears.
11:71 For they are sweet, and speak of things I wish to do.
11:72 Be gone, for I shall slay my daughter in sacrifice as the lord demands.”
11:73 Satan became angry, and cut off the binds of the daughter of Jephthah, so that she may escape the cruel demands of the lord.
11:74 It was then the lord lifted the very rocks of the mountain, and entrapped the daughter of Jephthah, and cast Satan back into the earth.
11:75 For the devil denied unto God the sacrifice of Isaac; Satan shall not deny the lord’s human sacrifice a second time.
11:76 Jephthah then took of his daughter, and went to the altar of the lord, and sacrificed his one and only child as burnt offering unto the lord.
11:77 And the innocent slaying of a young woman pleased the lord greatly.